Friday, April 15, 2011

Don't tell me Gail Weathers dies this time around.

 This post is unimportant and only inspired by Scream 2 which I am currently watching.  My excitement for Scream 4 to come out is disgusting.  How lame am I?  Honestly, I am not even one for movies themselves.  Even saying that- a huge amount of guilt overrides me considering my boyfriend's career is solely based around the entertainment business.  Granted, he knew going into it what he was in store for, yet I still can't get over my hatred for movies and/or my guilty conscience on how unamused I am when he comes back from work.  I cannot stand movie theaters in general, and in the same respect I'd like to meet someone who actually enjoys watching a movie in a complex full of strangers in uncomfortable seats while sipping on overpriced bottled water.  I've never been a girl who could just browse OnDemand and watch a movie I am 'semi-interested' in for that exact minute.  Some people are shoe snobs, car snobs, beer snobs- I'm a movie snob.  I will not partake in a cinematic adventure unless I am extremely interested in where this adventure takes me.  The BF believes it is because I hate to see things end, and that's why I can only watch TV shows or documentaries.  To me, that is utterly sad and embarrassing, so instead I like to believe that my TV shows teach me something I can use in everyday life, in 3/4 of the time than a movie would. For instance, today I learned how to survive in the desert (Man vs. Wild), how Bruce Lee changed the world (History Channel), and saw the video of when Brooke Mueller freaked the F out in an Inglewood Pawn Shop yesterday. 

Point Proven.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Straight or curly?

Sadly enough, that question, or usually something just as frivolous, crosses my mind each waking day.  Unfortunately, it's also life threatening dilemmas like "would I be on Team Big or Team Aidan? " OR "I can't bear the thought of wearing a Team Big tee without feeling like I am indirectly cheating on Aidan."  Or worse, I fall into the statistic of more than half of the women in America: OF COURSE I would side with the arrogant womanizer over the charming, all American boy.

My point being- did I get dumb?  Since when did I find the thought of picking out my nail polish color for the week so gut wrenching and anxiety filling yet somehow I finding it perfectly A-OK to max out credit cards, spend my last 5 dollars until payday on an overpriced latte, or better yet, not worry about driving to and fro work in rush hour traffic on brake pads that should have been replaced 2 years ago.

Long story short, I'm hoping I am just experiencing a midlife crisis and these shallow, meaningless thoughts shall soon pass.  There are more important things to worry about; i.e.- Who thought it was okay to charge $4.50 for a bottle of "Extra Dry" Andre when last year you could easily get 2 for a  $5 spot.

Then again, I do live in LA.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

my thoughts on the world part deux.

i really can't and won't accept people who still think a thumbs up is acceptable.  for anything. i also don't trust those who repeatidly swear by camus, wilde, salinger, orwell, etc.  come up with your own shit already. i'm still trying to figure out why the first question we ask our girlfriends about a potential new manfriend is "what does he do?" so shallow, yet, its usually the first question i ask.  i'm completely over the whole "taking a picture of yourself why looking in the mirror but not- with my iphone."  wait, is that my profile picture on facebook?  oh, and stop with the "i know LA or NYC like the back of my hand" who the hell wants to admit that they know a whole city like the back of their hand? maybe take up knitting.  as if you didn't know- any guy that takes longer to get ready than you do is gay. valium makes the world go 'round.  it'd be great if people would stop acting as if i am trying to recreate WWI when i light up a cigarette.  i get it, nooone likes the smell if they arent a smoker.  however, move the f away from me if it bothers you so much.  i'd like to smack every person that wants to start a social networking war, i don't even care if it doesn't involve me- it's stupid if you are trying to fight via a keyboard.  everyone is a little label whore so don't try and deny it, and most people who have tattoos don't REALLY have a meaning behind them so don't bother asking.  Noone likes seeing "K" back as a response, therefor, if you see that- it means that person doesn't like you.  My favorite sports teams are based off what the players look like.  right now, i admire the miami heat for dwayne wayde.  if he relocates, so will my favorite basketball team. 
ps- team big.

Monday, March 28, 2011

I'll show you mine if you show me yours

More or less when you hit a certain age, one feels it necessary to create a fictional "bucket list."  I haven't figured it out if its to make one feel better, or to scare the shit out of you even more considering this list usually means you are near death very, very, soon.  Regardless, I decided to 'make' a bucket list.  I scratched down a few things I'd like to do before I die while watching "I Survived" last night (fitting).  When i reread my list, it turned more into a "things I'd change about America" more than things I want to do.  Anyway, I'm still going to roll with it:

-travel the world in entirety (or better yet, afford to)

-be able to drink all the red wine i want without having purp mouth

- be ambidextrous

-to have really gotten the chance to playfully assault Mike Ness that one time I decided to jump on stage after a show to "catch him" (long story).

-speak Italian

-understand Spanish.


-to meet Uncle Jack

-just adopted a kitten already, so I could name him Lloyd Banks

-had no problem openly blasting Metallica on my 7am commute to work, instead of shying away and lowering the volume when stopped in traffic

-could tell you what i really think about you.  yes, you.

-finally understand why asians take so many pictures

-didn't rely so much on technology.  especially for keeping in touch.

-write off anyone i know who uses "LOL."  ew.

-overcome my shallowness when it comes to those who insist on wearing running shoes in everyday attire.  if you're not going for a run- PUT AWAY THE NIKES.

-realized the truth that I am just too selfish for children.  and unfortunately the thought of stretch marks is frightening.

-wonders why jeopardy hasn't updated their look yet??

-could stop obsessing over my teeth.

-had a pet owl.

-wishes that every seat on an airplane could be a window seat.

-wishes everyone could wash their hands in the bathroom

-if you really could find "true love" in a crowded bar.  yeah ok

-and finally, a small list of things i want to go away: rosie odonnel, crocs, people who think its okay to consistently do the "kissy" face in pictures, those who wear eyeshadow to match their outfits, celebrity weddings, my gray hair(s), parents who name their children seasons and/or foods, tax on clothings, and mariah carey.

Friday, March 18, 2011

feed your eyes.

Just recently I ran across the problem of finishing a book, and not having another one to start.  It's an awful feeling, you know, when you're about to finish a great book and you don't want it to end so you actually notice yourself TAKING YOUR TIME to finish it...yeah, been there done that.  With that in mind, I've acquired a little list of some books that I adore and love reading again and again.  Some are my own, others were graciously lent to me by friends:

  • American Psycho.
I started reading Bret Easton Ellis when I was 17, talk about growing up fast.  This book scared the shit out of me but like a car crash, I couldn't turn away.  Ellis is now one of my favorites of all time.  His sick & twisted schizophrenic mind somewhat appeals to me.
  • The Bell Jar
Who doesn't love Sylvia Plath?  This book is a semi autobiographical tale with names and places changed.  It's kind of depressing to read how this great American author and poet felt but hey, that's life.  Definetly in my top 5.
  • The Unbearable Lightness of Being
The plot takes place in Prague, 1968.  Beautifully written story of artistic and intellectual life during the Communist Period.  Love Love Love.
  • Life, by Keith Richards
I frekin' love The Rolling Stones so of course this was going to make the list.  'Nuff said.

  • The Rules of Attraction
And of course another one of Ellis's would make the list because he is the greatest!  Sex, drugs, lies, etc. etc., every American's guilty pleasure.
  • Just Kids
Okay so I 'll end with this one, now, this is a story about Patti Smith and artist Robert Mapplethorpe.  I was really excited to dig into this book and learn about their twisted love affair // struggle to make it as 'artists' in NYC.  I have to admit, although that premise is right up my alley, Patti annoyed the hell out of me! I'm not going to say why exactly because that will ruin it, so go out and buy it, tell me your thoughts so hopefully someone can change my mind on her!

Friday, February 25, 2011

"No one is immune to criticism from others. Except Kanye West."

So I don't know if you guys have seen this entry yet but I think it is SO SO SO funny & brilliant I couldn't wait to show it to you.  I found it as a 're-tweet' on NR's twitter, loved it so much I tracked down the mastermind behind it- meet: Erin Foster.

"They say there are few certainties in life. Not true.
Your mom is always right about how special you are, your dad is always right about a guy’s intention, and you can’t trust someone who doesn’t drink coffee. Europeans are condescending. No one is interested in hearing about your dream last night unless there is sex involved. No one will admit to being a fan of Train, but most people will sing along to it alone in their car. People who wear sunglasses indoors have low self-esteem. Automatic spell check on text messages has made it impossible to know how smart someone is. We don’t want to know how often you fantasize about Megan Fox, and you don’t want to know how often we fake it with you, so let’s just keep lying. Being defensive has never convinced someone of your point, and yet we keep doing it. No one is immune to criticism from others. Except Kanye West. The only people who should be allowed to procreate are the ones who refuse to be on facebook. I realize I won’t be one of those people. Whenever someone comes clean to you about something, you are still only getting two thirds of the real story. Any guy who lets you gossip and watch reality tv without judging you is marriage material. If you don’t demand the best for yourself, no one will freely offer it up. You should only be with someone who tells you they are crazy about you. Those are the exact words they need to use. If they aren’t crazy about you, there is better out there. Anyone who starts laughing while they’re crying is someone worth knowing. The idea of criticizing someone’s taste in music is like blaming them for blushing at a compliment. We can’t help what makes us feel feelings. If you’re going to lie about your age, you should round up so that people say you look great for your age. Don’t be embarrassed when someone runs into you while buying toilet paper. Be embarrassed when someone runs into you while buying cold sore cream. When you asks someone what’s happening with them lately, the topic they choose to start with will tell you a lot about who they are. Family, work, relationships, or gossip. Guys don’t need to be good looking, they just need to be really good at something. Contrary to what guys think, the reason for us not liking another girl isn’t usually jealousy. We see past their boobs in a way that you can’t. People who remember names are worth knowing. Everyone wants to have a song written about them. It’s why we have a weakness for musicians. Everyone looks good in blue. Be nice to your grandparents, even if they’re a little racist and hate tattoos. It’s not really their fault. When a guy says you should embrace your natural hair color, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about and you should keep going to the salon. People who say they like all music except for country, have clearly just not listened to the right country songs. Someone with an iphone can learn to love someone with a blackberry. People with the droid don’t deserve to be loved. When someone rejects you, just know that they’re scooting you towards the person you are meant to be with. We should all be more like people who play instruments. If you say you like to read, be prepared to list two books you enjoyed. If you are worried that everyone thinks you are fat, you should know that people don’t think about you that often. As soon as you tell your friend how much you hated their ex, they will get back together with them. No one wants to be Miranda. Not everyone has a type; I have an equal crush on Matt Damon, Justin Bieber, and Gerard Way, all for different reasons. Anyone who says they love being single is lonely. Anyone who says they’re lonely is looking for a blow job. I miss my computer saying “You’ve Got Mail”. Girls don’t understand how guys can happily sleep on their backs. No one’s favorite color is yellow. If you’re a girl and you don’t want to learn how to cook, you better be really good at other things. I’m referring to sex, people. It’s okay to disagree with Chris Brown’s choices, but still think he’s a really good dancer. Everyone looks ridiculous when they’re naked except for socks. Never ever smell your armpit in public. "                                                                                        
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